Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
