just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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