I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
