Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
