Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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