So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
