At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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