Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
