Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
