new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
