so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I would ride that face into the sunset
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
