that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
