i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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