feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
