Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
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I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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