eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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