a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
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If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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