I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
