What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
