fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
