i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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