I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize