is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
