I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
