i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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