physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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