So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
