Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want her autograph on my taint
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
