you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
