my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
