Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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