chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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