We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
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you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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