You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
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Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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