i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
