he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have fence marks all over my body
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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