checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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