I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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