Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
