My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
