What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
