Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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