Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
