That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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