before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
