Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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