its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
