Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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