She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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