dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
