I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
