how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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