my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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