All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
