Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
