i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
