i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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