dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
