Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
