His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
