I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You've changed since you got that strap on
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize