I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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