i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
