I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize