I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
