So drunk its hurt
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
