i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
