Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We have started to decorate penises.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
