i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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