my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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