What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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