there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize
