My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
