hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
