I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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