Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Damn victory sex feels great
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
