My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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