I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
