i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
