just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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