new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
