i can't believe i had my finger in that
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
