Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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